i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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