dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
