Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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