dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
