i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
