she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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