I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
