ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize