By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Hippo gnu deer
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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