Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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