I smell stomach acid.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
