What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
