The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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