Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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