If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
