I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
