i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
