1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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