I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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