update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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