Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
