I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
you made out with another girl for some wings
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize