My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
