i need an iv and a liver transplant
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
