woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
