When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
