he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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