i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
