Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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