I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
