a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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