your thong is hanging out like whoa
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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