You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
