I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
