We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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