Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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