You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
