yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
