So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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