definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
