I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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