hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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