ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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