Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
