don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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