Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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