Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
