if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
