at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
