I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We talked him into tasing himself.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
