"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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