You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize