If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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