do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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