He kissed a someone with a penis
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
