It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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