if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
