Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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