The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
