i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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