have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
