someone threw a dead crab at me
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
