Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize