Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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