got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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