Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
