Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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