my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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