Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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