It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
