I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
