i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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