yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
