Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
