You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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