I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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