i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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