She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
