Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
