Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
this beer tastes like vomit already
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
