I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
