Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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