we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
How external is "for external use only"?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
