I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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